“Every day now, people make feel like I’m relevant. Now there’s new movies. I’m getting appearance offers. I’ve got a couple of stalkers. It’s really huge! The sunshine’s coming up. It makes my heart go ba-boomp, ba-boomp, ba-boomp!”—Wait. We’re all still worried about Chyna Doll, right?
Junrey Balawing, shortest man in the world, faces no threat* to his title because I can’t work to become the shortest man* in the world like I can strive to be the fastest, the fattest or to outlive us all.
*Unless science can build a shorter man.
*Please read as: the fattest man, the fastest man, or to outlive us all as a man. Because I could control that.
“It’s the Twilight effect,” said a source, referring to the vampire romance that led to real-life sexual chemistry between leads Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. “You put together a bunch of young, mostly attractive people in their sexual prime and hookups are inevitable.”—The answer to, “So, Allie, why do you want to be an actor?”
“You get to the point where you evolve in your life where everything isn’t black and white, good and bad, and you try to do the right thing. You might not like that. You might be very cynical about that. Well, fuck it, I don’t care what you think. I’m trying to do the right thing.”—Sen. Roy McDonald’s colorful, public support for legalizing same sex marriage. Who else has a crush?
“because if Rowling’s fans convinced themselves that she was going to write another Harry Potter book and then she didn’t, nothing else she could possibly announce could be anything other than a massive, soul-crushing disappointment to them.”—Well. She’s got me pegged.