live here! with me! it will be magic. akin to the... →
I’m 27, smart and beautiful, but also underpaid and single. How is that...– Dear Coke Talk I spent all day reading.
i used to act circles around my peers in high... →
Sony, you made this movie eight years ago with... →
Jeff and Susan Bridges met on a ranch in Montana in 1974. He was there acting in...– Is this love or Stockholm syndrome?
loners don't get their mack on, they just get free...
Since I was dining alone, I thought to eat the single grossest thing I could find: a bacon wrapped hot dog smothered in avo, salsa and sour cream. And! When dinner arrived at my table, there was the unexpected surprise of cheese covered tater tots accompanying my hot dog. I would claim that I still can’t decide if the guy working the counter was flirting with me or not, but, suffice it to...
Gently place your palm on the tummy of the person you’re kissing, just to put...– - Mike O’Brien I’m a fan of placing a hand on a person’s forehead as if checking their temperature.
among the many things i am tasked with at work,...
Blue/Black ball point pens. File folders (oak and red). Binder clips (all sizes). Legal pads. Vodka.
Alan Hanson: The Hard Things →
lieslieslies: …You can not help who you love and you can not make any human being love you. I know this sounds literal in my case. I could not help being born from my mother, I could not help to learn language and compassion and how to walk from her, I could not help to memorize her circadian rhythm before I could formulate thought. But it is the same as how you can not help who you fall in...
Sharing passwords, she noted, feels forbidden because it is generally...– Apparently, “it has become fashionable for young people to express their affection for each other by sharing their passwords. Boyfriends and girlfriends sometimes even create identical passwords, and let each other read their private e-mails and texts.” If only I had thought to express...
A DAY’S WORTH OF FACTS TO GET YOU THROUGH...
1. A triangle is a geometric figure that has three sides. 2. A whale is a mammal, not a fish. 3. The Civil War was the bloodiest conflict in American history, with casualties approaching 700,000. 4. An old form of broom was the besom, which was made simply of twigs tied to a handle, and was relatively inefficient as a cleaning implement. 5. Unlike his contemporaries, Goethe didn’t see darkness...
i want to make this →
We’ve been through a lot together. Remember when I had mono and spent over a month glued to your side watching Wings on USA? Or in college when you helped me form my longest lasting relationship as Meg and I would meet every day after class to eat nachos in front of Fox Family programming? And then there was that year in LA - a place where it’s expected of you to have a close knit...
I caught the highlights of Hugh’s broadcast and understood that my first goal...– David Sedaris
my upstairs neighbors recently became creeps or the inability to sleep for the past three days has made me privy to the habitual weirdness I was once dreamily oblivious to.
don't watch ABC Family's Cyberbully
Unless you, too, want to start panicking about your unborn children and the time they will spend on the internet and how horrible their peers will be and the subsequent heartbreak you will repeatedly experience as your future baby is torn down and you have to take them out of school and give them mild tranquilizers every six hours while as an adult female you style your hair in a side ponytail.
i want so badly
to pronounce saccharine correctly.
My dad was telling us about some negotiation he was handling for the commuter...– Brian Spitulnik, from his McSweeney’s column: The Chorus Boy Chronicles My current job, in addition to providing me with an income, is a point of pride for my parents. They are thrilled to mislead their friends into believing that I am in hot pursuit of a career track, and brag that their...
Him: Wait. What?
She: Oh. I was just trying to joke about being insecure and needing attention.
Him: Oh! OK. I thought there was just an inside joke I was unaware of.
She: Nope! Just in need of some positive reinforcement.
She: My jokes are only funny to me.
Him: Oh! No! You are a funny lady.
She: YOU FELL FOR IT!
It’s like a ghost. Once you see it, you can’t deny its existence....– Hilary Winston, from My Boyfriend Wrote a Book About Me and Other Stories…
ladies love him and men wish they could be him
David: I'm not trying to give you a hard time! I like the album too, and this past weekend Matt and I were having it out over whether or not it ruled. He thinks it's boring and I think HE'S boring.
Me: I love Matt. And everything he says is law.
David: You know, can I say something? I feel like everyone just talks about how much they love Matt now that we've all graduated.
Me: I always loved him. He's just gotten better now that we never see him. He's this enigma.
David: Yeah! But see thats just it. It's like Kurt Cobain, he killed himself and now he's a legend. Matt did the next best thing and went to Tucson.
Excuse my charisma / vodka with a spritzer,” is not advice Weezy is keeping to...– Caragh Poh, teaching me that I, too, want to be the boss bitch of 2012